Out of Ministry

you know, i may regret writing this later, but i must write the way i feel. if anything, it is just therapeutic to my soul. since the age of about 15 or so i always knew what i "THOUGHT" i wanted to do for a career. i had always dreamed of being in ministry and helping to guide teenagers to Christ just like my youth pastor, Doug Porter, did with me when i gave my life to Christ.

however, after serving on staff full-time under 3 different pastors and seeing a side of the people who are running churches now days i had to respectfully bow out. i have seen more deception and manipulation in my short time in working in ministry than i have seen in my whole corporate life...and i work in the car business mind you.

ministry became more about programs, money, and numbers than it was about people and relationships. i understand that there is a business side to running the administrative side of a church, but when it is more about the administration than it is about the people there is something seriously out of balance. i've been told that it was more important to get a powerpoint presentation finished on time than it was to go to a school function for kids in my youth group. i would love for a pastor to tell that to the teenagers who were at the function. i had a pastor tell me that i shouldn't have stopped at a car accident that happened directly in front of our bus to help get children out of a smoking car that looked like it was about to catch on fire, all because it was a "youth group trip".

i'm sorry, but there is a time when my morals and my integrity rare up inside of me and become much stronger in my life than any job or superficial title such as "Pastor". i also have more pride than some people in ministry i guess; i personally can't lay down when someone unrightfully threatens me with my job over a list of rookie mistakes while all the time they are free to make as many as they choose with no accountability. a good friend of mine once told me a very profound statement that defines most churches and ministries now days; "Absolute power corrupts absolutely.". in my experience, this statement rings true.

i really do hate that things turned out the way they did, because i loved all of those kids and their families more than they or anyone else will ever comprehend. however, i cannot morally participate in something that i so strongly disagree with. and may i remind you that i work in the car business for a living. i really do wish that this entry could be something productive. however, i feel that it will only turn out to be a therapeutic rant that allows me to get just a little bit closer to closure on what can only be described as one of the most painful memories in my life...the betrayal of something that was supposed to protect.